


Opening Up

by bjsognin



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 12:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15818817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjsognin/pseuds/bjsognin
Summary: While teaching at Columbia, Oliver meets a student who is strikingly similar to Elio Perlman. For the first time ever, he opens up about the events in Italy and everything that has been holding him down his entire life.





	Opening Up

Oliver tried not to think about him. The moment he looked back at Elio for the last time before boarding his plane, he shoved all of the beautiful, suffocating memories of his trip to Italy into a drawer in his mind, never to be opened again. He had a life in New York. He had a well-paying job and a beautiful girlfriend who would make the perfect wife, one day bearing his children. He wouldn’t survive with the memories of his trip roaming free, begging him to leave all of that behind and board a one way ticket back to B.  


He thought of Elio often. Every time he received a phone call or a letter in the mail from Italy he would think of a piano, careful fingers playing a song just for him in the middle of the night; green eyes looking up at him to see if he was enjoying the song.  


“It’s gorgeous,” he’d said to him. Oliver cupped Elio’s face in his hands and brought him up for a kiss. Elio had always completely given himself to him. No matter what they did, whether it was a playful hug, a kiss, or in bed, Elio would submit himself to Oliver like he didn’t want to let go. He let Oliver have all of him, be all of him. Oliver didn’t complain.

As soon as he went home to New York, all of that happiness was gone forever. He had to go through his life knowing that he left paradise behind over fear of what would happen if he came out. He’d never forgive himself for it. 

The only answer to Oliver’s grief was Brielle. As soon as he got back he proposed. He thought of Elio the entire time.  


His parents were overjoyed. They loved Brielle and the thought of them making a life together. They’d always looked forward to having a daughter-in-law and grandchildren. Oliver grew up being reminded what should be his main goal—making a family. When Oliver first found himself thinking about the other boys at school in sinful ways he would force himself to think of his parents. He’d think of their faces lighting up at the first sight of their grandchildren, and how lovingly they would accept a wife into their family. When the thoughts refused to go away he would imagine the fury he’d find on his father’s face if he found out. He’d think of being thrown out of his house and banging on the front door while his mother and father look out of the window with disgust. He grew up being told that they would rather abandon him than accept having a faggot as a son.  


Oliver hoped dating Brielle would change all of that. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and loved him with every fiber of her being. They were long distance all throughout college, but as soon as they graduated they were dating. Proposing to her felt like the right thing to do. No one would ever know about Elio if Oliver had her on his arm.  


But it didn’t help. After he proposed he developed a knot in his chest that refused to go away. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He felt like a liar and a cheater… which he was.  


Going back to B. and telling Elio was one of the hardest things he’d had to do. He hated Elio’s fake happiness. He didn’t want there to be any lies between them. But things never worked out the way he wanted them to, and this situation wasn’t going to be any different.  


On the day of his wedding, he spent the majority of the time imagining an Italian boy in front of him instead of his own wife, the one he was about to spend the rest of his life with. No one noticed his anguish, and they went on like nothing was wrong. He’d rather them know. It felt awful lying to them.  


Oliver had never spoken the words “I’m gay” to anyone in his life before. Not even Elio. He never planned to, either. He loved his family and his life at home too much to sabotage that. The truth suffocated him. During his time with Elio, Oliver had felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders. For those days, he didn’t have to hide. He never admitted to Elio that their first time had been his first time. Ever. Man or woman. He used his faith as an excuse to refuse the women who asked him and his fear held him back from men. Elio had been a turning point. He finally realized who he actually was. Returning to the states took that away from him, and he’d been looking for it ever since.  


That September, Oliver met his students for the first time. Some of them weren’t much older than Elio. None of them seemed special to him until he met a boy with dark, curly hair.


End file.
